We talk a lot about professionalism and civility in the legal profession. We complain that lawyers from various geographical areas are the problem. Sometimes we blame all the lawyers in a particular practice area. The older lawyers blame the young lawyers, saying they weren’t mentored properly and don’t know enough. The young lawyers blame the old lawyers, saying they are condescending and out of touch. There’s plenty of blame to go around. But in blaming and finger-pointing, aren’t we just perpetuating the problem?

The reality is that no matter what we say or do, some attorneys (young and old) will always be hot-headed, condescending jerks. There will never be enough CLEs, webinars, rule changes, retreats, and networking events to change life for them. But the vast majority of us do not act out a live version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas on the daily. Don’t let the miserable people take you down with them. Everyone tells you that you need to be professional and civil. The Florida Supreme Court, your local judiciary, and the Bar, not only expect it, they demand it. But one of the greatest benefits to exercising civility is that it actually benefits YOU. Stooping down to the level of an unprofessional or uncivil opposing counsel is just going to make you as grumpy and bitter as they are, and it solves nothing for your cases or your clients. It just makes you unhappy, elevates your heart rate and blood pressure, and makes you spend time and energy on something that will provide no positive gain to you or your career.  In fact, it might even shorten your career if you really let it get to you.

So be nice.

I am not advocating for you to be weak. There’s a difference. If you aren’t sure of that difference, here it is: If you would be embarrassed to come face to face with opposing counsel at a Bar event, at the grocery store, in church, or in the school pick up line because of the last conversation you had with him or her, then chances are you might have acted like a jerk. The best of lawyers can still serve the Bar and their communities together after a case is over (or even while it is going on). If an attorney is unprofessional toward you, retaliation makes you no better. Instead, mail them a holiday card. Hold the elevator open for them. Talk about their kids or their favorite sports teams. Maybe this won’t make a difference. Maybe there is no hope for them. But it will make a difference for you, because when they go low, you go high.

We practice in an extremely demanding profession. We work hard. Our cases are constantly on our minds. We care for our clients. And yet, there are unlimited supplies of lawyer jokes, and study after study that shows that our profession is one of the least liked and least trusted. It’s hard to be that dedicated to your craft, to deal with conflict after conflict every day, and to still be happy. There are few people who understand what we do. But you can always commiserate with another lawyer. Don’t alienate the rest of your local bar with your behavior, because these are the people you can (and will) lean on, commiserate with, and celebrate with. These folks will be your friends, referral sources, business partners, mentors, and confidants. Heck, some of them might be your judges someday.

We are all in this together. So be nice.

Karen Persis is a Governor for the Ninth Judicial Circuit and former President of the Young Lawyers Section for the Orange County Bar Association. She is a solo practitioner who practices in the areas of assisted reproductive technology and adoption.